Don't feel guilty about networking for your career

You’re not just helping yourself

So many people I work with as an executive and career coach worry that they’ll be “bothering people” when they’re networking for their careers.

Have you ever worried about the same thing?

Before I started working with people on their careers, I was a recruiter at a top executive search firm. A professional networker, you could say. And at first, I also felt guilty about reaching out to busy, important people who weren’t necessarily planning their days around hearing from me.

But I got over it. And it was because of something I noticed happening again and again that completely changed how I thought about networking.

If you do it right, when you reach out to people in your network, you’re ultimately going to prompt them to reach out to people in their networks. These people are typically friends and former colleagues that your networking contacts might not have been in touch with for months or even years.

I realized that when I was networking as an executive recruiter, I was serving as a catalyst to strengthen connections among people in the industry I served.

I started thinking about my networking as a public service. And you can too.

Here’s what actually happens when networking is done right, and why you’ll never need to feel guilty again.

Start your networking with someone you know well and are comfortable talking with. And remember, it only takes one person to get started. At the end of your conversation, ask that person:

Now that you know all this, who else do you think I should speak with?

Keep your referral request light and general so the person you’re engaging with doesn’t get anxious or feel like you’re relying on them and them alone to find your next gig. Once they come up with a name or two, either in that conversation or when you follow up with them, be sure to ask them one more critical question:

Would you mind letting them know I’m going to be in touch? Or if you’re comfortable with it, you could introduce us via email or LinkedIn, and I can take it from there.

More often than not, the person you’re speaking with will want to reach out to their contacts first. They’ll want to give them a heads-up as a courtesy. You go from being someone who is asking for a favor to the person who is prompting them to reconnect with old friends and former colleagues.

So your networking contact reaches out to their contact, and you get the all clear to move ahead. You follow up. And once you do, this is what you’re likely going to hear:

Oh yeah — she said you might be in touch. You know, it was so nice to hear from her. We hadn’t talked in over a year, maybe two. I didn’t realize she had gotten a new job and that her oldest son had started college. I told her about my new job and my kids. My oldest just started college, too. It was so great to catch up with her.

And that’s usually followed by a warm and glowing:

Now, how can I help you?

And they really do want to help you. Because you’ve already helped them, just by asking for an introduction. Without you, it might have been another year or two before your two networking contacts were in touch again. Or maybe never.

You were the person who reconnected friends who had fallen out of touch. That’s not something to feel guilty about. That’s something to feel good about.

I know the job market can be discouraging. If you’ve been at it for a while, it’s easy to lose momentum and start second-guessing yourself. But here’s what I’d encourage you to think about: every time you reach out to someone and then ask for a referral, you’re not just helping yourself. You’re strengthening the connections between the people in your community and industry.

Everyone benefits, including you.

So the next time you’re hesitating over a networking request, wondering if you’ll be bothering someone, remember that you’re probably doing them a favor. And by doing them that favor, you’re absolved of all (well, most of) your guilt.